(image source Wikipedia)
Whenever you ask your
child why do you hide things from me or why do you lie?The answer to your
question will always be that, “because you scold me mamma”.So to be away from
scolding and to defend themselves from scoldings and anger of parents they will
lie to parents. Lies told to get rid of discipline can put you in a difficult
position because if you punish your child every time he admits to doing
something wrong, he may decide he is better of lying because sometimes he gets
away with it. But if you don’t punish him, the behavior won’t change. And it
gets more complicated if you actually punish the child for lying as well as for
the original infraction. According to one study, parents who use moral
principle to explain that lying is wrong reduced the frequency of their children
lying, while punishment for lying increased the frequency of lies.
Parents should hold
their kids responsible for lying. But the mistake parents make is when they
starting blaming the kid for lying. It’s considered immoral to lie. But when
you look at your kid like he is a sneak and an operator who is undermining your
authority, it’s a slippery slop where it starts with “you lie” and “you’re a bad person”. I think this perception
of your kids promotes more lying. If your child thinks you think he is bad, he
is going to hide the truth from you even more. Even though they are lying, kids
don’t want their parents to be disappointed.
So parents have to
assume that kids are going to tell lies, because they are immature and they
don’t understand how hurtful these things are. They are also drawn towards
excitements, and their parents aren’t. It’s not
like the good kids aren’t drawn to excitements and risk and the bad kids are.
It’s not that good kids don’t tell lies and bad kids do lie. They are all drawn
to excitements and they will all have a tendency to distort the truth because
they are kids yet..
For older children,
chronic lying is often a rebellion against restrictions. It is a way to challenge
a parents authority. Preteens no longer feel they must tell their parents
everything they do, they may respond with a lie to what they perceive as
intrusive questions. As they grow older, kids realize tht the greatest control
they can have is the control of information. Generally the more involved the
parents are, the more likely it is that kids will omit the information from
parents by lying. For example if parents ask “where
were you till now”? “They reply nowhere,:”
“what activates you did in your friend’s birthday party”, they say “nothing”,
“who were there with you there”? They say “you don’t know them”.
But repeated lies
about social status are a sign of trouble. They tell you that the kid has bad
attitude about himself. Ask yourself what s the reason behind. They might be
feeling humiliated or worthless, or is he being ignored? Or has anyone making
fool of them?
If you suspect your
child is deceiving you for one of this reasons, have a heart-to-heart
conversation with your kids, encouraging him to express his anxieties. As the
child is growing up it is said to lower your expectation so that he can achieve
success in more manageable steps, which will strengthen his self confidence.
Also give your child assurance that you will always love them, no matter what he
says or does.
Deal
with the lying child carefully and effectively.